A Special Kind Of Fool
by Kayla
Summary: A continuation of "Simplicity" - someone has been watching.


**********   
_Disclaimer: I may wish that they were mine but I know they're not. I do this for pleasure not profit. If Paramount like my ideas they're welcome to use them!_

********** 

I wanted to beat some sense into him. I thought he was a fool to wait for her, to waste his love on a woman who was either unwilling or unable to love him in return. Now I see that I was wrong. Sometimes the things you have to wait for are the things you treasure the most and pleasure rests in the arms of pain. 

Chakotay has been, and still is, so many things to me. My friend when I need a shoulder to cry on. My brother when I need someone to look out for me and hold me back when my temper takes control. My father when I need his strength and wisdom. I love him as all of those things and hate to see him hurt. That's why I couldn't stand to see the pain and longing in his eyes whenever he watched the captain. 

When we first met Voyager I hated her. She represented everything that I had turned my back on when I joined the maquis, everything that I had once wanted for myself. I couldn't understand how Chakotay could submit to the command of this stiff woman with her unwavering faith in the principles of a society that was light-years away. I thought she was a fool to adhere to rules and protocols that made no allowance for the unique nature of our situation here in the Delta quadrant. Rules that wouldn't allow us to use every opportunity to find a quicker way home. And, like Seska, I thought Chakotay was a fool to follow her. 

As the weeks passed I began to revise my opinion of the woman who was slowly earning my respect and admiration. I came to see that, far from being a fool, Captain Janeway was a strong leader, forceful and commanding. She was willing to sacrifice everything for the wellbeing of her crew and to risk her life and her ship in defence of those unable to protect themselves. Most surprising of all, she was willing to place the engineering department under the command of an academy dropout with a chip the size of a hyperspanner on her shoulder. 

That she was willing to trust the maquis crew amazed me, that she was willing to give such a vital position to a rebellious half-klingon with a precariously controlled temper astounded me even more. No-one had ever shown such faith in me and I vowed not to disappoint her. I failed in that vow too many times to count but every time she forgave me and I was given a glimpse of the warm, compassionate woman underneath the iron resolve and stern countenance. 

When we left the captain and Chakotay on the planet that they named New Earth I lost the two people I depended on the most. I was determined to live up to their faith in my abilities and do my part in getting Voyager home so that we could tell everyone there about the two special people we left behind. But when the chance came to go back for them I was determined to reclaim our lost leaders whatever the cost might be. 

And so they came back to us and immediately it was obvious that things had changed between them. It took a while to decide just what that change was. They seemed so uncomfortable in each other's presence that it appeared at first that they hated each other but small gestures, casual touches and silent glances passing between them soon made it clear that they had become closer. They had yet to find a way to meld that closeness into their roles on Voyager. 

Of course there was speculation about exactly how close they had become while on New Earth and Tom started a betting pool on how long it would be before they resumed their relationship on board the ship. As time went on and there was no hint of anything more than friendship between them the speculation died down and the bets were forgotten. That's when I began to notice the pain in Chakotay's eyes and I realised that he loved her. 

I watched for any sign that she returned his feelings but there was never any indication that she regarded him as any more than a close friend. And that's when I grew angry again. Angry with her for not loving him, angry with him for not moving on and angry with myself for not being able to stop the hurt. 

The years passed and nothing changed. The captain continued in her single-minded determination to get Voyager home, Chakotay continued to love her and the crew continued to watch and wonder why he never made a move to change their relationship. 

Then came the Equinox fiasco, when the captain lost her sense of perspective and reason and almost lost the ship. I understood how she felt, Kahless knows I've let my fury blind me to reason often enough, but I'd never seen Captain Janeway lose control like that before. It shook me and it shook the crew. Suddenly our larger than life captain was human, a flawed and vulnerable woman. People were angry at her for taking an unnecessary risk with our lives but more than that they were suddenly afraid that perhaps the captain didn't have the strength to get Voyager home after all. 

Neelix, in his typical misplaced enthusiasm, threw a party. It was a subdued affair. There was little to celebrate and everyone was feeling uncomfortable around the captain. She felt it too because she left soon after arriving. It was no surprise when Chakotay slipped out after her. What was a surprise was how they appeared at the briefing meeting the next morning. 

The senior staff was already waiting when they arrived. They walked into the room together and it was as if the rest of the room faded away for a moment. The feeling of warmth and peace surrounding them was almost tangible. The meeting proceeded as normal but I could tell that whatever had happened the previous evening had changed their relationship and that change was obviously making them both very happy. 

The captain dismissed the meeting and we left the room. It was a couple of minutes before the command team emerged. Captain Janeway went straight to her ready room while Chakotay took his seat on the bridge, I watched him as he went over the reports from the previous shift. Finally I couldn't stand it any longer. 

"Commander Chakotay could I speak to you in private?" 

"Of course, Lieutenant. Mr Tuvok, you have the bridge." 

We went into the briefing room and as the door closed behind us I turned to him. 

"So what happened Chakotay? And don't try to deny it, it's obvious something's changed between you and the captain." 

"Nothing's changed B'Elanna. She's still the captain. I'm still the first officer. We're still friends. I still love her and she still loves me. The only thing different is that we both know it." 

So that was it. He had been right to wait for her and now he had his reward. The woman he loved returned that love and together they were stronger than ever before. 

I guess I'll never know exactly what happened between them after the party but since that day their relationship has grown and their bond has deepened. It has been good for them and good for Voyager. Their command relationship is the same as ever. She leads her crew with strength and compassion. He is behind her, supporting her always, questioning her sometimes. But off duty they are equals; friends and lovers sharing the joys and sorrows that life brings and showing the rest of us that there is more to life on Voyager than the unrelenting journey home. 

It may be years before our journey ends but Chakotay has taught me that it's okay to wait for the things we want. The reward, when it comes, is worth the pain.   
  
  
  


********** 

  
  
  
  



End file.
